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Track 9





                         “Here's your last chance
                         at Redemption,
                         So take it while it lasts
                         Because it will end.”
                                         - Lindsay Lohan


                         “I want your psycho, your vertigo shtick,
                         Want you in my rear window, baby, it's sick,
                         I want your love,
                         Love, love, love, I want your love.”

                                         - Stefani “Lady Gaga” Germanotta



The most difficult part of the testimony came when each of the stars had to confess their personality disorders. Even Chapley never knew if the stars had accepted their diagnoses. But they were broke and desperate and trained actors. Their lower lips quivered. Their eyes expanded. The more convincing of the actors shed a tear as they admitted their narcissism, their paranoia, their borderline personality disorder.

Lohan's testimony was kept for last and was scheduled for three hours.

“Hi. I'm Lindsay Lohan and I have narcissistic personality disorder.

“And I'm borderline, and paranoid, and I have schizoid personality disorder, and I'm antisocial and histrionic and avoidant and dependent and obsessive compulsive. Oh and I suffer from severe anxiety.”

Chapley had questioned forensic psychologists who could pinpoint the exact moments in Lohan's Disney career when she developed each of her personality disorders. The majority of these began in the period between “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” and “Herbie: Fully Loaded.”

Chapley showed a collage of photos during Lohan's tenure with Disney, from age 10 until age 19. The transformation was stark. The crowd cringed at the last image: a gaunt, skeletal Lohan who was suffering with bulimia and a drug addiction.

“How could anyone at Disney be oblivious to what they turned this adorable freckle-faced little girl into?” Chapley turns to the jury and shakes her head.

Lindsay's testimony was the most heartbreaking. She described the twenty years of suffering that she endured after her last starring role.

“Disney put me into the mold of the cute, dorky girl next door.” Lohan begins. “But they surrounded me with the most glamorous and beautiful women. Can you imagine what its like to be in high school and all you want to be is the pretty girl? And all around you see are these supermodels. I was young, I was stupid and I had the money to do whatever I wanted. No one tried to talk sense into me. No one was looking out for my best interest. I was thrust into this hyper-reality and mutilated my body and my face to fit in.”

Tears stream down her face. Chapley rushes to hand her a tissue. When the tears subside, Chapley continues.

“Now, Ms. Lohan, what do I hold in my hands?” She flourishes a sheet of paper for all to see.

“It's a--- it's a letter I wrote to my father. I call it 'the confessions of a broken heart.'”

“And how old were you when you wrote this?”

“When I was 13.”

“Can you read the highlighted parts out loud?”

Lohan clears her throat and begins.

“Daughter to Father, I am broken but I am hoping. I am cryin', a part of me's dying. My tears have turned into time I've wasted trying to find a reason why. Why can't Disney back up off me. Why can't they let me live. They want me to shine bright, shine far and be a star. But they're life ruiners. They ruin people's lives.”

Lohan crumples the note in her hand as she sobs.

“No further questions, your honor.”

Lindsay sulks out of the stand.

Judge Dee turns to Katinka.

“Defense, you may call your first witness.”

Katinka smirks.

“I would like to call Dina Lohan to the stand.”

Whispers whip through the court. What could this rockette-turned-momager say in Disney's defensive?

“Mom!” Lindsay pleads as this plastic broom with blonde bristles slides past her.

“A job's a job,” the perennial Celebrity Rehab loser coughs.

“Now, Dina, were you not your daughter's manager when she worked with Disney?”

“I was.” The stale smell of chardonnay and Newports belched by Dina causes the judge and jury to wince.

“And in that capacity, were you not in charge of your daughter's contracts?”

“You betcha.”

“And did you remain on set with Lindsay at all times?” Katinka paces, carefully pulling the thread as she goes.

“Until she was old enough for me to not be there.”

“So you would say that your daughter was your responsibility?”

“Absolutely.” Dina wheezes and hacks up yellowish phlegm. “Everything Lindsay is--- is because of me and me alone.”

Dina attempts to punctuate this by pointing at herself, but years of alcohol abuse causes her hand to shake violently.

“No further questions your honor.”

Katinka smiles as she rattles her one-inch gel nails on Chapley's desk.

“She's your witness.”

Chapley sighs and stands. She paces in front of Dina in a crème-colored pantsuit.

“Now Dina, thank you for joining us. I can clearly see that your daughter takes after you in so... so... so... many ways.”

Dina beams. Lindsay sinks lower in her seat.

“Now, I'm sorry to get personal, but we need to know, did you really bring a film crew from Inside Edition when you visited your teenage daughter in rehab?”

“It was for E! Entertainment network!” She corrects Chapley, but falls into her trap. “It was for our Lohan Holiday special!”

Chapley turns to wink at the jury.

“And how did Lindsay and the staff of the rehab react?”

“I don't know why they were so upset, this was just a perfect way for them to see that my baby was getting better.”

“Uh-huh. And when Lindsay was underage, did you accompany her to parties and bars where she consumed alcohol and other drugs.”

“Why not?” Dina scoffs. “I thought it would be a great bonding opportunity for us girls. You know, gossip over shots and snorts.”

“And were you ever jealous of Lindsay?”

“Me? No, never! How could I be, everyone thought we were sisters. Practically twins! I loved that all the guys would hit on both of us. Those were the days! Remember sweetie?” Dina sits up to look at her daughter.

“And you were the one who handled all the contracts for Lindsay. Did Disney ever try to step in between you and Lindsay?”

“Oh God no. Never! A momager knows best. Disney knew about me taking Lindsay out, how could they not, our beautiful faces were on the cover of so many magazines. And why would Disney get between us, look how well I managed her career.”

Her last syllable echoes through a stunned courtroom.

“No further questions, your honor.”

As Dina exits the witness stand, she poses for pictures. A violent coughing fit knocks her to the ground.




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