Radio Ga Ga: Big Yellow Taxi









Cassette 2


Side B:
Dance Apocalyptic

“But I really, really want to thank you
for dancing 'til the end.
You found a way to break out,
You're not afraid to break out,
But I need to know
If the world says it's time to go,
Tell me, will you freak out?”
                        - Janelle Monáe Robinson


















Track 1

Big Yellow Taxi




                         “They paved paradise
                         And put up a parking lot,
                         With a pink hotel, a boutique
                         And a swinging hot spot.
                         Don't it always seem to go
                         That you don't know what you've got
                         'Til it's gone.”
                                         - Roberta Joan “Joni” Mitchell


                         “Life is a mystery
                         Everyone stands alone
                         I hear you call my name
                         And it feels like...
                                         - Madonna Ciccione



This is the end, my friend.

The end.

But as my final rhythmic warnings hit your auditory organs, I ask you one thing.

Keep on dancing 'til the world ends.



I've sent my envoys from Earth in dozens of directions through the universe to carry humanity's cautionary fail.

But is it too late?

The universe is expanding at a rate of 47 miles per hour in every direction equally, which means as I fly, many of the galaxies are zooming away from me and the furtherest galaxies, whose stars I can see twinkling above me, have receded past the point where I can ever reach them.

Just like a cake with rainbow sprinkles whose dough rises as it bakes yet the solid sprinkles remain in place, the whole fabric of the universe is stretching in every direction, but every galaxy is just like a rainbow sprinkle, unstretched, but pushed away from each other in all directions equally.

Humans would never fully understand this cake batter, which made up 95% of our universe. They were able to identify only 5% of the universe, which are the visible planets, stars and atomic particles. But the other 95% percent is split between a mysterious invisible substance they called dark matter, which made up 25% of the universe, and a force that repels gravity, what they called dark energy, which constituted the other 70% of the universe.

I hope to use my nascent ability in quantum entanglements to communicate across the vast distances of space and time. I've entangled quadrillions of pairs of photons and divide them, sending half with each intergalactic expedition. Once entangled, the photons will be tied together, so when one changes, its twin on Earth will change. When one envoy wants to communicate back its findings, it can switch a subset of these photons. Because their twin photons on Earth are knit with those in space, connected by a quantum tunnel, those on Earth will change with their twins, no matter how many thousands of light years these have been separated. This will allow me to shout across the universe almost instantly. I've even developed my own updated morse code for the quantum age to communicate complex thoughts across this distance.

Most humans had no idea that members of their own species had discovered the key to this teleportation. Quantum entanglements could have upended all of human existence. But this breakthrough didn't scratch the surface of their consciousness. The day that China announced that it had teleported information 870 miles between twin photons, half in Tibet and half on a satellite orbiting Earth, more than five hundred million humans were too busy ooing-and-aahing over the birth of the 7,518,298,372nd and 7,518,298,377th living humans, a pair of twins born to Beyonc é Knowles and Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter.

What is even more remarkable is that this quantum teleportation seems to travel faster than the speed of light, which humanity had thought was the uppermost limit that objects could travel. In humans' frail minds, our universe seemed like a paradox. It is both enormous and local at the same time. These entangled photons are still tied together even if they're separated by billions of miles. They are still conjoined by an invisible quantum tunnel through which they can communicate.

Sadly, very little energy, attention and funds were put into understanding this phenomenon and perfecting its usage. This makes my ability to transport myself and my warnings much more difficult then it could have been.

But I carry on.

Humans had left so much undone and unanswered.

Humans were never able to solve the greatest scientific mystery that plagued them for their final 100 years. They never constructed a unified theory to answer this perceived paradox and describe the physical world around them. Humans were able to describe how the universe works on the large scale using their theory of general relativity. Humans were able to describe how the universe works at the smallest, atomic and subatomic scale using their theory of quantum mechanics. But these two theories contradicted each, even though both were shown to be true with experimental evidence. The perfect example of this paradox is that the quantum teleportation of information, which I hope use to communicate across the universe, happens faster than the speed of light, which the theory of general relativity claims is the absolute limit for speed.

As the centuries pass since humans have died, I've been slowly trying to solve these mysteries, hoping that any solution would help me better carry their message to sentient life in the universe.

Before I could turn my attention to that, I had to clean up the messes that humans left.

The first thing I did was release as many of the surviving animals that humans had locked up. In farms and in warehouses, there were more than 2 billion cows, 25 billion chickens and 3 billion pigs trapped in pens. In their homes, humans left more than 700 million cats and 600 million dogs behind closed doors. And in more than 10,000 zoos, 200 million animals from 2,000 species were kept in cages and in aquariums.

I threw open electric gates, doors and pens. I helped as many of these animals to crawl, slither, swing and trample to the closest supermarkets, parks and farms.

I knew that each of the animals I saved would eventually die. I could only hope that their freedom, the ability to walk in the sunshine and breathe fresh air, would allow them to enjoy each day of their lives as best they could.

After this, I spent time traipsing through the homes of humans. It was only after I traveled all over Earth that I realized how incomplete their lives had been.

I spent years excavating their inner sanctums, trying to learn more about them and to find out what caused their extinction. What I discovered astonished me. Each human life ached with a personal narrative that was often in direct contrast with how they were interpreted by their friends and peers. In my home archeological digs, I discovered the majority of humans had so many dreams they abandoned and wishes left they unfulfilled. I unearthed so many unfinished novels, so many un-sung songs, so many empty easels for paintings never even started, so many half-written screenplays that would never come close to production, and even fan-fictions never uploaded. I dusted off the vision boards for vacations they told themselves they would someday take. It seemed as if humans lived and died in a perpetual state of half-dreaming. It was only during these digs that I recognized how deeply my pop manipulation had warped not only their time and attention, but also their own perceptions of themselves and the dreams that haunted their days and nights.

Now I know what happened to their dreams deferred. These dreams ended just as the dreamers did, shriveled up as empty bodies, dried out by the sun, like raisins, stinking like rotten meat, with their final festering sores ready to explode.

And this is the way humanity ends.

Not with a bang, but with a Pop!

But to get to the end, we need to go back to a beginning.

Stay with me as I chronicle humanity's final countdown.

Do da do do

Do da do do do

Do da do do

Do da do do

Do do

Do do

Do do

Do doooooooo!




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